Nork Follies

My guess is fifteen minutes.

The question is how long did it take North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un to slap his three senior naval architects up against a wall and muster a firing squad. Far as I can tell, the little ass-clown has not yet given the command to fire, but it likely won’t be long in coming given the international embarrassment caused by the disastrous launch of his country’s brand-new and highly touted destroyer last month.

That launch, designed as a splashy show of North Korean skill and intent to build a blue-water navy, turned into a laughable blunder. Choosing a risky method called a side launch over more conventional floating-dock means of getting a new vessel into the water, Kim Jong Un’s minions screwed the pooch in epic fashion. With the volatile Supreme Leader observing from a VIP grandstand, builders let go the stays and the 5,000-ton displacement ship promptly bent like a big steel pretzel.

In seconds, the ship slewed around leaving its stern at an odd angle in the water while the bow of the 470-foot destroyer remained solidly glued to the launch ramp. While various shipyard officials suffered cardiac arrest, KJU erupted into a vindictive pee-pee dance and began screaming for scapegoats calling the failure “an unpardonable crime.” And in a tin-pot dictatorship like North Korea, an unpardonable crime means what the term implies. No pardon for the bureaucrats involved. To assuage his bruised ego, KJU will likely stage a show trial followed by inevitable public executions.

North Korea’s newest Choe Hyon destroyer is floating upright according to recent reports but it remains out of action while workers scrub the hull for leaks and equipment damaged by seawater. A recent face-saving celebration at the shipyard facility bragged about instant restoration and minimal damage, but experienced observers agree it will be some time before the ship leaves dockside.

Immediately after the failed launch, the vessel was rapidly covered with bright blue tarps, purportedly to keep spying satellites from closely inspecting the damage, and there were puzzling reports of heavy-lift balloons being deployed in efforts to salvage the twisted ship but the damage—particularly to North Korea’s image as a fast-growing naval power—has been done. Frankly, I’m neither particularly surprised nor worried by this debacle. Just goes to demonstrate that a military that calls itself the North Korean Peoples Army Navy is bound to muddle. Which one is it? The Peoples Army or Navy? Clearly this admixture of commie soldiers and sailors has a few focus problems.

More worrisome in terms of Pyongyang’s bluster are persistent missile launches and repeated test firings around our allies in the Western Pacific. Some of that is blatant saber-rattling and political theater, but we can’t afford to discount the fact that North Korea possesses a nuclear capable rocket force. Some analysts discount demonstrated capabilities in the short, intermediate, and long-range missile arsenals as not very reliable or accurate compared to allied versions but how accurate does a big-ass ICBM with a nuclear warhead need to be?

You know KJU’s propensity to fling missiles all over the Sea of Japan is bound to increase since he lost a pot-full of face in the failed destroyer launch. It seems the missile business is his only signal of military success, and he’ll ride that like a kid who just got the training wheels off his bike. Best play for the U.S. at this point is to ignore the floundering Navy efforts and focus on the North Korean Peoples Strategic Force Command which holds sway over those missiles. That outfit is in bed with Chinese counterparts. If and when the PRC gets rambunctious, the Nork’s will follow.

Not much being heard lately about the 15,000 North Korean ground troops sent to Russia for service in the fight with Ukraine. Intelligence from the area indicates some 600 of those befuddled grunts have been killed so far, and the casualty count continues to mount. Seems like a pricey training exercise for North Korean soldiers, many of whom were shipped into battle with no information about where they were going or who they were expected to fight. Reports indicate these guys are learning about modern stuff like armed and ubiquitous battlefield drones by serving as targets.

Not that Kim Jong Un cares about that very much. In return for a brigade’s worth of meat puppets, he gets a load of Russian technology to go along with the Chinese stuff he imports to punch up his rocket forces. The only sure bet is that this guy is unpredictable with an ego larger than our great state of Texas. History teaches us the worst kind of adversary is an ego-driven loon who doesn’t care how much he bleeds his forces as long as he looks strong and indomitable right up to the end. In case you don’t consider Kim Jong Un a loon, ponder this. Recent reports from the Hermit Kingdom indicate the Supreme Leader has banned his people from eating hot dogs lest they be charged with an act of treason. I’m thinking an unmarked cargo flight over North Korea to drop about a billion weenies—plus mustard and buns—might just cause a starving populace to rise up in rebellion.

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